It’s now three women plus me who have been on eHarmony and had the same frustrating experience–and we range 20′s-60′s in our search. You get through the 500 question intro. You get fixed up with a bunch of guys and some sit there and never respond. Some men last through the double dutch period of those bizarre questions, “If you could kill someone without recrimination would you choose: a) poison ring, a la Gaga, b) asphyxiation, he never appreciated your memory foam pillow anyway or c) gun, you roll retro.”
Then when you’re finally in “Open” communication, you get kind of excited—hey there are three guys who are writing you and who sound normal. But then they fall into two categories—Guy A and Guy B.
Guy A has an interesting profile, you start writing him or vice versa about a specific thing you think you’ve in common—those documentaries, a love of running, you both love geckos. But when you enthuse away in an email expecting him to be as excited and wanting to write back soon…you wait about three-five days for a reply. He also may send you the most annoying email of all, a one liner, “Hey thanks for the great reply, I’ll have time later to give you a real reply, don’t have time right now.” And you wait for that promised proper reply.
Guy B has an OK profile, he’s not your first choice—but then he’s all chatty and fabulous at emailing. He wants to know what you did this week, how your weekend was, what’s up at work. He remembers that big meeting/your cycling trip with friends and asks how it went. You realize you’re chatting as if you’ve had your first and second dates—and you’ve never met. He never asks your fine self out. You think you’re just about to prod him, and then you decide to wait. You mention you love that museum/cafe/band that’s playing next week—and the boy never picks up the clue phone.
Since eHarmony is paid for by period of time, it really feels like these guys are either way clueless or they’re fakes that are planted to drag out your time online, on the promise of something happening in that next email exchange.
What’s your experience with eHarmony or other dating sites—have you had this happen?
I have to say. I’ve thought most of the matches they sent me weren’t active. Mainly because when I had turned off my membership. I would still get requests from guys saying they were interested in matching, even when I had asked to be hidden from the search. I contacted them but they were pretty blase about the problem and you’d think with their subscriber fees being so high, they would be more interested in making sure their technology was 100%.
My experience with eHarmony was actually better than most of the other dating sites with my only complaint that, at the time (not sure if it has changed), I could be matched with someone who omitted black woman as an option (by choice) and yet matched with me…a black woman. Otherwise, more than 90%of the men I met were very well suited for me as friends (if that was what I was looking for), though none attracted me otherwise once we met. They were always quality guys who pretty much matched their profile description. If I ever wanted to fill out the 500 question survey again
I would try it again without a doubt.
Hey Kaye, *thanks* for the share. I hear that, you go to church, you don’t want to be a submissive baby mamma–nothing wrong there!
Jack–thanks for the reply–your men aren’t disappearing, it’s that they chat on and on over more than 10 emails and never ask to meet face to face.
I’ve had at least now 10 other women (now that it’s published) say they’ve experienced same. Our man age range goes from men in their 20′s to their 60′s–not just men from my experience.
In the “real world”, as you say, normal hetero men ask women out, they *want* the relationship to go farther. On eHarmony, I’ve found, not so much.
Hi Laura, sorry to hear about these frustrating experiences. I work for eHarmony and can tell you unequivocally that we don’t create false profiles or use other misleading tactics to keep members subscribed for longer.
I don’t have a good explanation for why these particular guys seemed to disappear on you. They may be busy, talking to a lot of different matches, or who knows… Sometimes meeting people online can be just like “the real world.”
Keep the faith and just keep reaching out to matches that seem interesting. If you’re dropping hints hoping they get them, perhaps try being more direct when you want to meet up with someone. Some guys are just bad at interpreting signals.
If we can help improve your experience, you can reach our customer care team on Twitter: @eharmony_jack.
My experience with eHarmony is that they’ve never matched me with anyone I have anything in common with or would want to spend time with. Because I’ve marked that I attend church, I get matched with a bunch of overly religious guys who are looking for baby-mamas or the sweet and silent and submissive type (definitely not me). I also have marked that I don’t want to have children—yet 90% of the guys I’m matched with have children. I gave up on eH a long time ago.