My birthday is also a national holiday, in the summer, which means that parties as a little kid sucked, royally.  The guests were made up of relatives – mostly the old ones – while my friends were up at their cottages or on family vacations.

Hosting our first Social for SingleWoman.TV tapped into my birthday baggage and I  suddenly wondered why I had opened my big mouth and decided to host an event in a city where I can count my real friends on one hand.

Me with Author Katie Love

I have this slightly sick obsession with pushing myself out of my comfort zone so that I can “take it to the next level”.  As a producer, my mind works quickly and I’m always problem solving.  “Go on,” I hustle.  “Get moving!  Stop being such a chicken!”  Half the time, the dust has barely settled on the level I just got to, and I’m not even sure if I’ve learned something, or whether or not I just might like it here enough to stop moving, before I’m onto the next thing, all in the name of progress.

(L - R) Janis Gaudelli, Go-to-Girl Inc, Tristan Cooper Smith, Author/Love Stylist, Julie Spira, Author

At the heart of my birthday baggage is a recurring theme – what if they don’t like me?  What if nobody shows up?

“CANCEL IT!!!” screamed my inner 7-year-old who had suffered more than her fair share of humiliation over the years.  “Do you really need ANOTHER project?!”  No I didn’t, but I didn’t want to let it go either.

Then two things happened.  First, I got stuck in traffic on the 405 and next, I remembered I wasn’t 7-years-old anymore.

The winner of Jenny McCarthy's autographed book.

Just because nobody showed up to my parties as a kid didn’t mean that nobody was going to show up as an adult.  It’s been a long time since I was seven, but moving to a new city alone has dredged up every insecurity I’ve ever had.  I spend a lot of time reminding myself what is and isn’t me.  The good news is that I’m determined to get over myself – for good this time – and what I’ve realized is that the best way to do that is to just let myself be.  Scared me?  Fantastic.  Dorky me?  Fantastic.  Bitchy me?  Fantastic.  Fantastic me?  You get the picture.

That’s when I remembered that my birthday parties from 12-16 rocked – being terrified made me conveniently forget that.  I reminded myself that I can take or leave a huge crowd, so even if only one other person showed up, there would be two of us.  I’ve had some pretty memorably amazing  times with just one other person.  Wasn’t that part of what this site was about, making friends and building community?

Ferial Moloo (left) gave us a gift certificate from 365Hangers and The Spaphile Girls invited us to their launch on the 20th.

So I went home, sent out as many invitations to people I thought would enjoy the night as possible and then I stopped worrying about it.  A group of 25 awesome gals joined me for a no-pressure evening filled with lots of conversation and the occasional exchange of business card.  It was kind of like a birthday party, but better.

Hopefully we’ll see you at the next one?