Man’s love is of man’s life a thing apart, ‘Tis woman’s whole existence. –Don Juan, George Gordon, Lord Byron
Byron sure has a way with words, but let’s just make certain that he’s wrong on this one.
I had a gal pal in my 30’s who was the greatest. She was up for anything and because of that open attitude, we shared the best New York City had to offer–from skating in Rock Center, to taking dance classes with the pros, laughing in the most fun TV show audiences, and dancing at the Roseland Ballroom on New Year’s Eve. When she finally found her guy, she went to live with him at the end of Long Island—three hours from NYC. When I asked her if she missed all the fun we used to have in the city, her reply struck such a nerve I remember it to this day, “Oh Laura, that was just something to do before I got married.”
As savvy single women we know that our life isn’t a dress rehearsal; it isn’t something to do while you’re waiting on a man. But then I hit the holidays and realized it’s scary, I may be thinking a bit like that. I have a red sweater that I love—it’s the perfect red for my skin, cut perfectly for my pear shape and it makes me feel more confident wearing it. I caught myself thinking– better save that one in case I have a date. Red alert! Not only should every piece of clothing I own make me feel that fabulous, but I should be wearing it every day, just to allow me to feel that amazing.
Bella M. DePaulo, PhD, is a social psychologist at the University of California, Santa Barbara, author of the book Singled Out (and one of our board members). She reported on a study that tracked 1,000 couples for 15 years. It turns out that marriage brought only a “tiny blip” of happiness during the time closest to the ceremony. “The researcher’s perspective is that we each have a baseline of happiness, and marriage on average isn’t going to change that — except for that little blip,” DePaulo says.
If you’re saving those cute undies, that scarf, or the “good” nail polish for a date, like I was—check yourself. Value the friendships you’ve built and the times you have alone, or with them. DePaulo shares that, “Women are less likely to be alone in old age because they’ve nurtured friendships. That’s why a sense of community is so important.”
Wear the sweater. Live big and for you. Enjoy times with friends and celebrate the time with just you, too. Go out there and find your “tribe”—the reading clubs, the running group, the yoga gals–whatever means home to you–and revel in the life you’re living!
