“Tall, dark and handsome man age 44, with athletic build and secure job seeks attractive, smart and sexy woman.” Sound familiar? With over 40 million people using online dating websites to meet, date and potentially start a long term relationship, you are not alone out there. Unfortunately, it has also become a forum for men to misrepresent themselves in order to weasel their way into a date with you!
Ok, so you are a member of an online dating website, and Mr. Handsome has just made contact with you. His profile is well written. His email to you is funny, witty and he looks good-despite his only picture being a little hard to make out since it’s kind of grainy. No biggie! So far you’re exchanging nice and pleasant emails on the dating website together and you progress to texting and talking on the phone. Finally, after what feels like an eternity, he asks to meet you in person!
The anticipation is building; you go out and buy a sexy dress, put on your hottest pumps and are feeling beautiful! Once you arrive at the meet-up spot you are hit like a Mack truck with an overwhelming feeling of “who the F is this guy?” Mr. Handsome who claimed to be tall, athletic and 44 years old has turned out to be Mr. Fugly who is short, fat, balding and certainly not younger than 55!
Here are three tips for spotting the fakes and liars.
Pictures Do Say 1000 Words
We are searching for Mr. Right in a virtual world, so if there is something not quite right about his picture, that’s a sure way to know he’s misrepresenting himself. Look for these picture mishaps to spot the fake!
• Grainy, blurry or very unclear pictures (CAUTION-he may be a married man posing as single!)
• He only posts one picture and makes an excuse that he doesn’t have any other photo’s to send you because he doesn’t have a camera (BULL SH*T! We live in a world where everyone owns a friggin’ cell phone with a camera in it. Even the crappiest, cheapest phones have cameras!)
• The pictures he has posted all look old and dated. Check out his hair style, clothing, his surroundings and the people in the pictures with him. Look for tell tale signs that they are old pictures.
• He posts a high school or college picture-but he’s in his 40’s. This guy wishes he looked like he did when he was younger, so he’s hoping you’ll like what he used to be-but he isn’t that now!
He Gives Bad Phone
After the initial contact, you exchange several emails back and forth getting to know one another, but when it comes time to talk on the phone, he’s not as chatty. Granted, most men don’t like talking on the phone as much as we women do, however, in an online dating world-it is important to establish a verbal connection. If you ask specific questions and he dances around the answers-or just doesn’t answer them at all, this is a huge sign he is hiding something.
He’s a Cancel”holic”
Let’s say you and your new found virtual date have been emailing, texting and talking for a while now and things are going great. He finally suggests meeting for coffee, but when the day and time arrives, he cancels on you. If he cancels more than once, but is still a “Chatty Cathy” with you on the phone, it’s probably a sure sign he is either married or in another relationship. End it ASAP! He’s thinking about cheating on his wife or girlfriend, but doesn’t have the balls to do it. (Thankfully!)
Good luck out there and happy dating!
Kaye, thank you for sharing your thoughts on what seems to be a big issue with many women! Unfortunately, men are very visual creatures by nature. But I don’t believe all men are superficial-there are some goods ones out there, I promise! My best friend, a beautiful, successful woman who has always struggled with her weight just married the love of her life-whom she met on a free dating website! As you say, the key is finding a man (whether it’s on or off-line) that appreciates you for YOU and not based on a picture. Check out http://www.meetup.com, a GREAT way to meet men (in person) with similar interests. I met an amazing man recently at a hiking meetup event and thank my girlfriend everday for making me sign up for it!
My problem is not so much with men misrepresenting themselves, but with them judging me by my picture. No, I’m not super-model thin. No, I don’t have long blonde hair, big teeth, fake eyelashes, and a shirt cut down-to-there. I am attractive, though (at least I’ve been told so many, many times in my life), successful, and independent (and maybe it’s that last two that combine with the not-skinny part that intimidates them).
And if I don’t post a picture, the only communication I ever receive is a request to post a picture.
So I gave up on meeting anyone online. I’ve gone thirty-nine years without dating, I figure I can last a while longer until I meet someone with whom I can connect in person, who can see beyond the superficial, just like I try to.
All very good points. Especially the phone call. If you feel like you’re pulling teeth on the phone, it won’t get any better in person. Thank your potential online date for the conversation and wish them the best of luck with their search.