I once heard this comedienne who talked about finding her ideal mate. She went over the list of the man she wanted “He should be tall, be in great shape, make $300k or more, work out every day, be generous, own a big house, likes to travel first class….” The funny part was when she said she looked over the list and realized…”THIS PERSON IS TOO GOOD FOR ME!” (actually, her exact words were, “damn! This mother f&@%er is too good for ME! I need to work on my own s#%^!)

When I talk to people about finding their ideal partner, they often discuss with me the lists they have that detail the kind of qualities this person should have. These lists often go on and on. While I think it is important to know exactly WHAT you want, too often people don’t know WHY they want it. Are you looking for a person to be rich because you feel you could never make much money? Do you want a partner who is in good shape and works out and yet you haven’t seen the inside of a gym since 1998? Are you expecting a person who is in touch with their feelings, but you aren’t very introspective? Yes, opposites attract, but often that means that you too have qualities that the other person desires.

So, an important step in attracting the person you want? BE THE TYPE OF PERSON YOU WANT TO ATTRACT.

Start first by taking a personal inventory. What are the qualities that you most admire about yourself? Having a hard time figuring that out? Write down all ( as many as you can remember) the compliments you have heard people give you. This list will give you a good idea of all the different ways you make an impact on others. Admire that list and tape it up where you can see it everyday! Corny? Perhaps…but sometimes you need a visual reminder of who you are in this world. Next, write down all the accomplishments that you have made, for as long as you remember. Yes, include that 1st place in the spelling bee in 2nd grade. Big or small, you have accomplished these triumphantly and they need to be acknowledged and celebrated AGAIN!

The point of this exercise is to not only clarify what is special about you, but to also get you to REMEMBER why you are so amazing. STEP 1 in Attracting Your Ideal Partner is also about LOVING YOURSELF.