As a matchmaker and dating coach, I regularly make introductions for successful male and female clients and get candid post-introduction feedback. At times I come across limiting beliefs that can insidiously become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
One of these is what many successful women have termed the “intimidation factor,” the perceived barrier to dating faced by successful women.
The good news is that it is a myth that men are generally turned off by successful women.
The good news is that it is a myth that men are generally turned off by successful women.
According to research by Christine Whelan, an Oxford-educated scholar of social history and author of Marry Smart: The Intelligent Woman’s Guide to True Love:
- 71% of high-achieving men said a woman’s educational or career success makes her more desirable as a wife.
- 89% of high-achieving men say they’d like to marry, or have already married, a woman who is as or more intelligent than they are.
Consider the possibility that becoming anxious about turning men off, may give off negative or desperate vibes, and that your own attitude, rather than success, may be what is actually repelling men. Given that your attitude is the only thing you can control, here are five conversation tips for your first date:
1. How does your choice of work reflect something about you as a person which a prospective partner may find interesting? If you’re a doctor, were you drawn to this line of work because you want to heal, to help people?
2. Address the work question in a lighthearted and engaging manner. When asked what you do, consider playfully suggesting he guess, and give him a few clues, ie if you’re a dentist, one clue may be that your skills with a drill come in handy.
3. Transition into discussions about non-work-related topics and interests. As a successful woman, you’re probably quite comfortable talking about your work. That said, try not to fall into the trap of one-dimensionally focusing on what you do. Show him who or what else you value in your life.
4. Ask men about their passions and interests. Actively showing interest in another person generally tends to make you more interesting to that person.
5. Actively listen and show interest in the guy’s responses. Actively listening gives you the opportunity to learn about him—and isn’t that after all the reason you’re spending your valuable time with him?
What about you? Do you think men are turned off by your job?
Great post! I think it can be intimidating for many men when a woman is successful/has a highpaying job/is in a position of power, but what I’ve found is that the older they are, the more they appreciate and understand a woman’s success, which turns them on.
I think in the beginning of everyone’s career, there is a sense of competition between men and women that gradually subsides as men start to feel more comfortable with women’s success in the workplace. When I was in my twenties, I felt that with men I dated. However, in my thirties, I see that more men WANT women who are as, if not more successful than, they are (economy, resignation, etc?).