I recently read an article in a men’s magazine that talked about the fact that a lot of women believe that if a guy is willing to wait a month or more to do the deed, he’s in it for the relationship haul . But the guy writing the article said something I’ve always suspected: it’s not true.
Men just want sex period and it’s got nothing to do with you. Just because he’s waited the requisite number of dates, doesn’t necessarily mean he’s hanging around. He could have been sleeping with someone else while he was waiting, or move on to someone he likes better after you.
I know. You’ve got a BFF who is positive you have to wait at least a month or he won’t take you seriously. Me too. But for every one of those, I know someone else’s BFF who slept with her now husband on the first date, and they’ve been married for years.
Which is kind of my point, girls care about this sh*t. Men don’t.
In real life, “Charlotte” probably wouldn’t be friends with “Samantha” because – as early as middle school – sexual experience becomes the dividing line among females. It’s a value judgment that we hurl at each other and then teach to guys, in the hopes that he’ll pick us instead of them.
I have friends in their 30s still trying to be “good girls”; meaning you sleep with him after the appropriate number of dates so he knows you’re a quality person, worthy-of-marriage material. Waiting tells the guy that they don’t do “this” with everyone, that he’s special and in their minds it sets the tone for him to treat them well because they were worth waiting for.
But here’s the thing I know a lot of “good girls” who are still single, and women who slept around who are in long-term relationships or married, so that kind of messes up that theory.
I also have friends who are comfortable with the hook-up. They talk about sex any time anywhere, tell you about that fantastic vibrator they just bought, or drop sexually loaded words or concepts into their conversations with men because they know that’s what some men like. But when it comes right down to it, these same women are wondering whether he’s taking them seriously, whether he’s going to call her again or whether he’s just in it for the sex.
What I wonder is, why are we still making the expression of our sexuality about him?
Sex has currency in a relationship but we’re lucky to live in a country where the way we spend it is our choice. It’s just sex. You either like it or you don’t, and whether he’s willing to wait for it or not is his problem, not yours. Either way, your value as a woman has nothing to do with it.
What do you think? Do you think men care how long you wait to sleep with them? Are women more judgmental of other women than men?
The reason why women should postpone sex is NOT to appeal more to the guy. Women do better postponing sex simply because they have a chance to get to know the guy a little better and evaluate whether he could be a suitable partner, and as a result — the right man to have sex with. Most women will feel more attached to a man after they had sex with him. So it makes sense to get to know the guy first and establish trust in him, and only then have sex with him. Guys are after sex, but it is definitely not the only, and not even the most important, factor that determines whether they will stay with a woman or not.
The answer is that it depends on the man. I’m 30 year old virgin, because I choose to be. I’ve met guys who are very excited to find I’ve stayed pure and won’t have sex before marriage, but I’ve also found men who belittle me for the choice. Other are obviously not calling for a second date because they didn’t get anything on the first. I think the point is to stick to your values, and you’re more likely to find a guy who lines up with them.
If you let a guy talk you into a one night stand, then don’t be surprised if he makes it a one night stand. (And I’ve seen this work the other way. The guy is hoping for love and commitment and girl just wants to play.) However if you think of sex as sacred to marriage or monogamy, you should look for a guy with the same values and level patience.
There’s no magic number of dates. It’s all a matter of values and beliefs. Do you share them, or do the two of you have different goals in your romance?
I do think to say it’s “just sex” is too dismissive. Sex is always a risk. You expose yourself to potential pregnancy and disease even if you use protection. You expose yourself physicially and emotionally, and that’s a big deal. It’s up to you to decide when the potential risk is worth the potential gain. For me, that’s marriage, because I would need a partner who’d be in it for more than “just sex”.
… yes men care how long a woman will make us wait! but not because we share the same desires as women. men care because we want sex sooner rather than later. there is so much talk about men who like the chase, men who like it kinky, men who are saving it for marriage… all different approaches, but notice for us…all roads lead to us “getting some”.
with this in mind, there is no about of mind bending , freaky sex, that will make a man see you as a wife. women act like the penis is a remote control to the heart, and mind…it’s NOT, it’s a remote towards an orgasm for him. #realtalk
are women more judgmental of women than men? heck hecky yeah! women used to tell me about men that they have been with that they would NEVER dare telling another woman…especially a close friend. As one woman told me, “women are brutal.” men don’t really care who a woman has seen unless we can see a future with her. hooking up has not future so why care? no man wants to be seen with the “loose chick” or have that’s same chick represent him in anything. the woman that is going to be “the one” is usually selected by beauty, and kindness, but also by having a past that he is willing to forgive.
As a matter of fact Mich, I know a lot of men — gentleman — who would never refer to women as “sluts”. The ones who do are usually very single.
Wow, this poor author really does not know a thing about men! Hello, yes, men notice and care about how easily a woman will have sex. Men do not respect women who sleep around. Think about it, if you were a guy, would you want to marry a woman who has let other men have her that way? Would you want the mother of your children to have been with other men? Don’t believe this article — it’s a total lie. Sluts get married, sure, but their husbands rarely treat them as well as the husbands of women with good morals. It’s true, sorry if the truth is uncomfortable.