You don’t understand why you keep attracting the wrong kind of men. You’ve been told you’re too independent, that you come on too strong.  Or maybe you’ve been called needy?  The problem, says Antoinette Cabral, a female sensual lifestyle and dating coach, is that you’re out of balance and not connected to your feminine energy.

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“The feminine and masculine are not defined by gender,” says Cabral, who has certifications in Reiki, Shamballa Healing, Vipassana Meditation, and who studied the Feminine Wisdom Traditions of Tantra for 4 years with teachers, including Nita Rubio.

“Relationships are changing. There is a different yearning and I see that through my research, working with women, talking to men. What women want now and what men want now is totally different than what it was before.”

What women want now and what men want now is totally different than what it was before.

It’s not about wearing dresses and high heels, in the tantric tradition, masculine and feminine energy needs to be cultivated in both people. The feminine is about receiving and the masculine is about doing. According to Cabral, in empowered relationships, each person embraces both in a balanced way, but in western culture, many single women tend to be over masculine.

So how do you know if you’re off balance? Ask yourself the following questions:

1. Are you doing all the time?

As your sole provider, a lot of single women step into their masculine for success in their careers. The trouble is that a lot of the time, that analytical, competitive and aggressive energy is not as useful when it comes to dating. Cabral says, it’s about understanding when to use what. When you’re at work be “the man” that you need to be but when you’re going on a date use a transitional ritual like a massage or a bubble bath to access your feminine.

2. Do you know how to receive?

So many single women are good at taking care of themselves (see above) and proud they don’t need anyone’s help, which means they usually suck at receiving, the essence of feminine energy. It’s not about being subservient or giving up your power, it’s about receiving what he has to offer. If a man wants to give to you — a compliment, dinner, his attention — and you block it off, you’re blocking off the happiness for both people. It may be hard to believe but an empowered man wants to give to you — it’s his instinct.

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3. Are you living from the neck up?

Stop spending so much time in your head! A woman’s creative center, money channels and sex channel are in her hips, thighs, belly and womb but it’s also where we carry fear, shame and past programming. When you’re grounded in your body, you operate in a different way. Cabral says that’s because you’re grounded in your feminine power and with that comes clarity, self-confidence, inner radiance, self-love and a reconnection to intuition.

4. How much do you actually “like” men?

Because you’re interested in dating one, right? Too much masculine energy means you won’t respect him, you’ll be questioning him constantly or be in competition. Maybe he’s just not the right man for you, but if this happens with every guy you date at some point, you’re going to have to admit it’s your pattern. Conversely, if you’re attracting men who don’t respect you, you gotta ask yourself, are you respecting them?

“I coached men for a short amount of time and I did have men’s circles. During one workshop I facilitated, I asked, what do you love about women, and the men lit up. They couldn’t stop talking. If you knew how much they adored us and how much they want to be with us and we have so many negative beliefs about men. When a woman likes men, that’s attractive, it’s huge, huge.”

5. Do you find time for pleasure?

Now this isn’t about sexual pleasure, although that energy is also important to our well-being. It’s about inviting pleasure into your life, because for many women, pleasure can be considered taboo. Maybe it’s receiving a massage or enjoying an unusual meal or dancing in the rain just because you feel like it. Invite in your natural sensuality. Step into a new place of relationship with yourself and feel that radiance, that vibrancy, that tuning into your own wisdom so you’ll know with certainty exactly what you want to create in your life.
Antoinette Cabral offers a variety of private coaching packages. For a complimentary “Man Magnet” session e-mail info@AntoinetteCabral.com. You can also sign up for her FREE video series or her weekly newsletter with tips about inviting the feminine in.