A guest blog from Liz @ WeLoveDates, an online dating website and dating advice blog.
A few weeks ago, I was at a party with friends I hadn’t seen in awhile. One of my girlfriends spent the evening flirting, kissing and basically hanging all over some dude I assumed must be her new boyfriend. Later on when I inquired about her new love, she set me straight.
“No, he’s not my boyfriend. He’s my friend. It’s like a friends with benefits thing…he doesn’t want anything serious.”
Fast forward to yesterday, when she called me in tears because her “friend” told her he had met a girl, one that he wanted to be his girlfriend. She admitted that she’d been hoping their sexual relationship would spark more of an emotional one for him, and she was pretty devastated when it didn’t turn out that way. She felt dirty and used, yet there was nobody to blame but herself. She had spent so much energy pretending to be okay with a friends-with- benefits relationship that she had nearly convinced herself that she could control her feelings and hit the mute button when it came to her emotions.
This whole circle jerk got me thinking. What, besides sex of course, are the benefits that come along with a friends-with-benefits relationship? Is there any orgasm in the world that is worth muting our emotions for?
Emotions are unpredictable. They sneak up on us when we least expect it. On Tuesday, we might be okay with casual sex with a friend, but what happens on Thursday when we wake up and realize we have (GASP) feelings for him?
Stop kidding yourself. If you’ve found yourself in a sexual relationship with a friend, it’s probably safe to say that there are feelings already involved. It’s not some one night stand. You know this person, and you enjoy spending time with them so much that you want to do it naked. And you’re probably using your friends with benefits relationship as some sort of gateway to an actual, serious relationship.
Instead of spending so much time trying to control your feelings like my friend did, invest that energy into someone who wants what you want, and who can give you all of what you deserve, not just a small part of it. Your emotions, your feelings, your needs and wants are there for a reason. Don’t hit the mute button. If anything, turn that shit up louder.
