Delaine Moore, author of The Single Sex Life a Single Mom was a stay-at-home mom for seven years when she discovered her husband was being unfaithful.  At 37, the single mother of three discovered that her long-dormant libido had suddenly come alive—and so surprising even herself, she decided to listen to what it was saying.  Here are her top 5 coping tips for newly single or divorced women:

1. Be sad but put a time limit on it.

We’re often taught that sadness is something we have to avoid or escape, as if it’s a “bad” thing. But why wouldn’t you feel sad when you’ve suffered emotional pain or feel lost? The key is to feel the sadness full-force, but not linger there. Promise yourself you’ll go to work and put on a happy face as required, but when you get home, you can take three hours, six hours, or perhaps even all night to succumb to the sadness. Dwell in the past, go through old letters or photos, watch sad movies, cry until your eyes are giant tomatoes—but once that time is up, commit to getting back to ‘living.’

2. Distract and downplay.

This is something men are generally better at that women. Wired to be “problem solvers”, they look at the problem—feeling sad, angry and alone on Valentine’s Day—and find a quick solution that prevents them from feeling it, i.e., work longer hours, go see a movie, have dinner with friends, maybe even all of the above. This coping technique is a temporary fix, one designed to keep your mind and body preoccupied so that the day can pass like any other, but hopefully with a few laughs or a sense of having been productive .

3. Celebrate “other” loving relationships.

Though Valentine’s Day is viewed as a day to celebrate partnership and romance, the reality is that 43 percent of all Americans over the age of 18 are single, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. Thus, it’s ok to broaden the meaning of this day by celebrating other important relationships one has in his or her life, i.e., family, friends, and children. What relationships have you neglected to recognize in the past on this day? Now is your opportunity to mark the day with new meaning and rituals.

4. Give to someone who needs it.

Consider who else in your life is going through a tough time, possibly tougher than you, and what you might do to brighten his or her day. When we take our attention off of ourselves and give it to other people, we can’t help but feel better. You can give your time, your conversation, your hands, or your smile. You may even want to buy him or her a little something—chocolates or maybe an inspirational book.

5. Massage the “new you” in the making.

This could involve a physical transformation such as a new hairdo or outfit, or committing to exercising and getting in shape. Or explore the “sensual you” at home with a glass of wine, a sexy book and a sex toy. You might take a new direction in your life, and use this time to chart new goals, be them around work, your social life, maybe even your dating life (is online dating on your radar yet?). This tip is about self-acceptance, allowing the emerging you to have voice and be heard. For even though you may not know exactly where your life is heading, you know that next year at this time, life will make more sense.