A guest blog from Liz @ WeLoveDates, an online dating website and dating advice blog.

A few weeks ago, I was at a party with friends I hadn’t seen in awhile.  One of my girlfriends spent the evening flirting, kissing and basically hanging all over some dude I assumed must be her new boyfriend.  Later on when I inquired about her new love, she set me straight.

“No, he’s not my boyfriend. He’s my friend.  It’s like a friends with benefits thing…he doesn’t want anything serious.”

Fast forward to yesterday, when she called me in tears because her “friend” told her he had met a girl, one that he wanted to be his girlfriend.  She admitted that she’d been hoping their sexual relationship would spark more of an emotional one for him, and she was pretty devastated when it didn’t turn out that way.  She felt dirty and used, yet there was nobody to blame but herself.  She had spent so much energy pretending to be okay with a friends-with- benefits relationship that she had nearly convinced herself that she could control her feelings and hit the mute button when it came to her emotions.

This whole circle jerk got me thinking.  What, besides sex of course, are the benefits that come along with a friends-with-benefits relationship?  Is there any orgasm in the world that is worth muting our emotions for?

Emotions are unpredictable.  They sneak up on us when we least expect it.  On Tuesday, we might be okay with casual sex with a friend, but what happens on Thursday when we wake up and realize we have (GASP) feelings for him?

Stop kidding yourself.  If you’ve found yourself in a sexual relationship with a friend, it’s probably safe to say that there are feelings already involved.  It’s not some one night stand.  You know this person, and you enjoy spending time with them so much that you want to do it naked.  And you’re probably using your friends with benefits relationship as some sort of gateway to an actual, serious relationship.

Instead of spending so much time trying to control your feelings like my friend did, invest that energy into someone who wants what you want, and  who can give you all of what you deserve, not just a small part of it. Your emotions, your feelings, your needs and wants are there for a reason.  Don’t hit the mute button.  If anything, turn that shit up louder.

Delaine Moore, author of The Single Sex Life a Single Mom was a stay-at-home mom for seven years when she discovered her husband was being unfaithful.  At 37, the single mother of three discovered that her long-dormant libido had suddenly come alive—and so surprising even herself, she decided to listen to what it was saying.  Here are her top 5 coping tips for newly single or divorced women:

1. Be sad but put a time limit on it.

We’re often taught that sadness is something we have to avoid or escape, as if it’s a “bad” thing. But why wouldn’t you feel sad when you’ve suffered emotional pain or feel lost? The key is to feel the sadness full-force, but not linger there. Promise yourself you’ll go to work and put on a happy face as required, but when you get home, you can take three hours, six hours, or perhaps even all night to succumb to the sadness. Dwell in the past, go through old letters or photos, watch sad movies, cry until your eyes are giant tomatoes—but once that time is up, commit to getting back to ‘living.’

2. Distract and downplay.

This is something men are generally better at that women. Wired to be “problem solvers”, they look at the problem—feeling sad, angry and alone on Valentine’s Day—and find a quick solution that prevents them from feeling it, i.e., work longer hours, go see a movie, have dinner with friends, maybe even all of the above. This coping technique is a temporary fix, one designed to keep your mind and body preoccupied so that the day can pass like any other, but hopefully with a few laughs or a sense of having been productive .

3. Celebrate “other” loving relationships.

Though Valentine’s Day is viewed as a day to celebrate partnership and romance, the reality is that 43 percent of all Americans over the age of 18 are single, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. Thus, it’s ok to broaden the meaning of this day by celebrating other important relationships one has in his or her life, i.e., family, friends, and children. What relationships have you neglected to recognize in the past on this day? Now is your opportunity to mark the day with new meaning and rituals.

4. Give to someone who needs it.

Consider who else in your life is going through a tough time, possibly tougher than you, and what you might do to brighten his or her day. When we take our attention off of ourselves and give it to other people, we can’t help but feel better. You can give your time, your conversation, your hands, or your smile. You may even want to buy him or her a little something—chocolates or maybe an inspirational book.

5. Massage the “new you” in the making.

This could involve a physical transformation such as a new hairdo or outfit, or committing to exercising and getting in shape. Or explore the “sensual you” at home with a glass of wine, a sexy book and a sex toy. You might take a new direction in your life, and use this time to chart new goals, be them around work, your social life, maybe even your dating life (is online dating on your radar yet?). This tip is about self-acceptance, allowing the emerging you to have voice and be heard. For even though you may not know exactly where your life is heading, you know that next year at this time, life will make more sense.

Only 28-30 percent of women achieve orgasm during sex and that’s not every time.  That means that 70 percent of us aren’t connecting with and enjoying our bodies.  For women like entrepreneur Bonnie Gayle, orgasms weren’t happening because sex had become painful during perimenopause.

“When I was 41-years-old, perimenopause hit me hard and fast overnight. Mentally and emotionally I was at my physical prime but my body was shut down,” says Gayle who didn’t start blossoming until she was in her late 30s and felt like she was being cheated of her sexual peak.

During perimenopause and menopause, estrogen levels drop and the walls of the vagina can become thinner and increase the risk that they might tear.  Itching, burning and dryness are common problems and with less lubrication, the vagina’s pH balance, which offers protection against bad bacteria and fungi, is disrupted and the risk of infections increase.

Gayle decided to be the solution to her pain — literally — and worked with a medical and herbal formulator to create Sex Butter, a lubricant that soothes and coats the vaginal walls but that also has healing properties.

“I was a little bit of a health nut and I found that all of the products to bring back the libido either had hormones or chemicals, things that they put in the antifreeze in your car,” says 48-year-old Gayle who wanted to create a product that wouldn’t burn your skin with continued use.

“Sex Butter is organic, natural and edible and we infuse it with messages to open up and heal anyone who has had verbal, mental, emotional, physical, sexual and or surgical abuse.”

Sex Butter smells like dark chocolate with a hint of mint and its main ingredients are a combination of coconut oil, cocoa oil, shea butter, jojoba and grape seed plus an ingredient Gayle calls the “secret sauce”.  What’s cool though is that the formulation goes through more than one quantum physics process during mixing.  These energy processes are meant to change the molecular structure and enhance the potency of the ingredients in a positive way.

Gayle says that orgasms are deeper and more intense with sex butter (we agree!) and that it’s helping to build her vaginal lining.   Because the product stays in your body after use, it’s a buffer against the acidity of your partner’s semen and will keep your pH balance, drawing yeast out when necessary.  Gayle says that although Sex Butter can’t cure an STD virus, it may heal an open sore because the secret sauce is anti-fungal and anti-bacterial.

Use Sex Butter on your own, with toys or with your partner.  If you’re physically or emotionally shut down when it comes to sex and it’s been ages since you’ve had an orgasm, it can help you to reconnect with your body:  pain free.

Sex Butter is the perfect Valentine’s Day Gift. 1 ounce = $34.95 (20 to 30 uses). 3 x Travel Packs = $10 (2-5 uses).